I realize that by posting this, I’m opening myself up to a lot of negative comments. That’s fine. It’ll only prove my point.
The other day, my friend Amber posted about the raw emotions and bitterness she has been experiencing due to her failed home birth. What happened next surprised and sickened me.
‘Dr.’ Amy, a known anti-home birth activist who apparently hasn’t been a licensed OB-GYN since 2003, posted Amber’s blog in her anti-home birth Facebook group, and all the members started flaming her.
I’m just surprised at the amount of hate and judgement that Amber has endured from these mothers. They’ve said that she’s just lucky she has a healthy baby, and her feelings about her birth don’t matter. They’ve said that birth isn’t something to be proud of, and they don’t understand why she puts so much importance on it. They said she has brainwashed herself by surrounding herself with like minded people, and birth is just a means to an end. When someone jumped in to defend Amber by saying that some women feel differently about the birth experience, this ‘intruder’ was attacked.
I had an emergency, life or death c-section. If I ever had another baby, I’d have no issue getting another c-section. The only regret I have is not being awake to hear Trinity’s first cry, to see her first moments in the world. If I could go back and change that, I would, but having a natural birth isn’t important to me. Does that mean I think all women feel this way? No. I understand that every person has different needs, wants, and desires.
Some people have a need to own over fifty pairs of shoes. I’m fine with a pair of running shoes and a pair of flip flops. Does that make me better than those with shoe addictions? No. It just makes me different. Personally, makeup is my downfall. I own more than I would like to admit.
I’m an adventurer. I enjoy the trip along with the destination. Other people view the trip, the drive, the flight, etc, as a inconvenience, a means to an end.
Is birth really that different? Just because someone views the birth in a different light and wants to give birth in another manner than you doesn’t make their views wrong. Just because someone wants a journey instead of just a destination doesn’t make them wrong, either. All these things do is make them different, more diverse.
I would never wish losing a child on anyone, not even my worst enemy. It’s a pain that no one ever deserves. That being said, I don’t know what losing a child has to do with Amber being upset that her birth story ended the way it did. She’s happy she has a healthy child. That doesn’t mean she can’t be sad. I’ve heard this argument more times than I’d care to admit. It’s not fair to try to compare different types of emotional distress. So, because I have a healthy child, I can’t be sad that one of my best friends moved to West Virginia? I can’t be sad that I don’t get to see my nieces and nephews often enough?
It’s like if I were to go on a road trip to Miami. If I ended up having car trouble and had to rent a car to get there, I could still have a fabulous time at the destination but be upset about the way I got there. These two things are mutually exclusive, just like birth trauma and having a healthy child.
Besides, one of my biggest pet peeves is people telling me how to feel or that my feelings are wrong. You’re not in my head. You’re not in Amber’s head. So, please don’t tell us how to feel about something. Better yet, never tell anyone how they should feel about anything, ever.
Besides, if everyone is told that they can’t be sad about something because someone has it worse, only one person in the world will be allowed to be sad. So, stop comparing and trying to out-misery people. It’s annoying and uncouth. It only makes you look like an asshole.
The last of the ‘Dr.’ Amy people’s complaints is that home birth advocates surround themselves with like-minded people and refuse to see the other side. I know Amber is extremely open minded. She’s willing to help anyone who is interested in the subject, but she has never, to my knowledge, forced her views on anyone. I can understand being upset with the pushy advocates. I really can. I hate when anyone approaches a subject with a closed mind and tries to force their views on everyone. I just have to say, though, that the ‘Dr.’ Amy people are hypocrites Aren’t they doing the same thing they’re calling home birth advocates out on? Aren’t they surrounding themselves with like-minded people and behaving like their view is the only correct view?
I just don’t understand how individuals can live with that much hate, how MOTHERS can live with so much hate. It makes me wonder if something happened to make them so bitter towards home-birth.
I’m sick of the us versus them mentality We are all humans, we are all different, and we’re all in this together. Why not take a moment to think about what we are teaching our children when we act with hatred and vengeance. It only perpetuates the cycle of malevolence. That does nothing to help the world. It does nothing to help our children. Why not take a moment to teach them tolerance, love, pride, and compromise?
This applies to all areas of life, not just home-birth. Follow the golden rule at all times, and treat others the way you want to be treated: with love, respect, and kindness.