Anxiety is the Worst

I’ve been quiet lately.  Quiet in all facets of my life, not just here.

Part of it was the illness, but I’ve been feeling almost normal for two days now.

I’ve also been working on de-cluttering and deep cleaning my house.  That’s not a small task; my house has a lot of rooms.  I’m almost done: only the bedrooms remain.

Mostly, though, I’ve just been antisocial.  I do this sometimes for many different reasons.

I think it’s my anxiety causing this latest flair up.  I have extreme anxiety, which I can usually keep under control.  Lately, it’s been bad.  It’s been debilitating.  I really get nervous about everything.  I know how to push it to the side and deal with life, but it’s been hard lately.

So, I’m going to the doctor next week.  I finally made an appointment.  Anyone that knows me knows that I hate doctors.  I haven’t been to one in two years.  I know that’s bad, but meh.  Meh meh meh.

Last time I went to the doctor, it was an appointment for an issue I was having.  My doctor refused to listen to anything I had to say; he wouldn’t even let me finish describing my symptoms.  I left his office in tears, my issues still not resolved.

So, I’m finally going to revisit them with a new doctor.  I’m also definitely thinking about getting anxiety medication for the first time ever.  I’ve always just dealt with it, no matter how awful it’s been.  The idea of even talking to a doctor about anything makes me want to cry.  I’m so afraid this doctor is going to treat me the way the old doctor did.  I’m afraid I still won’t have answers.  I’m just afraid.

I think I’m going to write out everything I want to discuss and hand it to the doctor.  That way I don’t have to talk about anything; I don’t have to worry about missing something.  That seems easier to me, but then I worry that the doctor won’t want to take the time to read it.  I don’t know.  My brain is a mess.

So, yeah.  That’s where I’ve been.


Daniel and I went on a 5 mile hike today and it was pretty awesome.  I got bored towards the end, though.  That’s probably because we walked the same path back.  So, I had seen everything already.


Tomorrow I’m going apple picking with Megan.  I know I want to try to make apple bread, but I don’t know what else I want to do with all the apples I pick.  So, please feel free to make suggestions.


Yeah.  I’m nervous about publishing this.



About pamasaurus

"I have learned to keep to myself how exceptional I am." ~Mason Cooley I'm a married stay at home mom living in Southern New Jersey. I have one daughter, one son, and three furbabies. I love to cook. I love to craft. I love to sew. I just.... love to create in general. I also am pretty fond of adventuring, of exploring new places. I'm shy when I first meet people, but once I'm comfortable with them, you can't shut me up. I'm crazy and silly. I have an unhealthy obsession with dinosaurs.
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16 Responses to Anxiety is the Worst

  1. You were great! It’s very difficult to lay your soul bare to the world and I admire you for doing it. I’ve worked in the health care field on and off for my entire adult life and I always write all my points down when I go the dr. and the good ones always appreciate it – yours will too. Few physicians act like your Dr. Demented did but I’ve had some. It gives me a clue as to why they are in the business so I wouldn’t want them treating me anyway and neither do you. Anxiety is a life-sucking debilitating illness and you must be really sick of that always-quivering-knot in your stomach to overcome that and seek assistance. Once you get on a full medicine regime, you will begin to feel better and calm down. You must do it now before you get any older because eventually it would have affected your cardiac system and you don’t want that. Early childhood conditioning can color our lives with a dark crayon sometimes. It won’t be easy but if you take it in little steps, before you know it – the sun will come out AND more importantly, you will be able to enjoy it. I promise! You know my email address ! Love ya! xoxoxox

  2. rich says:

    are you going to mood’s for apples? just in case, fyi, they’re not open on sundays. that’s annoying because they have great apples. they’re down on rt. 77 past mullica hill.

    sorry to hear about your issues, but i’m glad you went hiking. i’m trying to get a close friend to do things like that, but she’s not interested. grrrr.

    • pamasaurus says:

      No, we went to Duffield’s in Washington Township. Mood’s is only like 10 minutes from my house; I might swing by there tomorrow depending on their hours. I promised my daughter I’d take her picking since I went without her on Friday, oops.

      Grr, indeed! I’m trying to get all the outdoor activities I can in before winter sets in! Hopefully your friend changes her mind and accompanies you soon!

  3. Oo! Oo! Make a tarte tatin. You won’t regret it. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

  4. Jennifer M. says:

    Have you tried making apple butter? I’ve always wanted to do that!
    Sorry to hear that you aren’t feeling like yourself. I hope your new doctor will listen and help you work toward a solution. There’s nothing worse than a doctor who doesn’t listen (which is a lot of them, actually)! Good luck and feel better 🙂

    • pamasaurus says:

      I was thinking about it, but I don’t know if we’d eat enough to make it worth it. I’m going to look up recipes in a bit,, though 😉

      Thanks! I’m spoiled because I had the absolute best doctor before I moved to Jersey. Now I can’t find one I like :/ Hopefully this one works out!

  5. msdulce says:

    Uggh. Annoying doctors that don’t listen make me angry. Writing everything down sounds like a great idea… I hope good doctor’s visit + apple picking (I second the tarte tatin!) yields much-deserved peace.

    • pamasaurus says:

      Thanks! I just want it to be Thursday now so this appointment can be over. I’m hyping it up in my mind with all the ‘what ifs’ and ugh. Anxiety sucks, haha.

      I made a tarte tatin today, and YUUUUM!

  6. Lauren says:

    I too have always struggled with anxiety problems, but I have never been medicated because the first few times I went to the doctors, they told me there was nothing wrong with me, wouldn’t listen to my symptoms, it was all in my head, and sent me home. So I totally hear ya. Best of luck to you!

    • pamasaurus says:

      Ugh, sorry all that happened to you. It’s basically what my old doctor was telling me for everything… hence the new doctor, haha.

      Thanks! Hopefully you can get relief for your anxiety at some point!

  7. hautemealz says:

    Geez, that all sounded frighteningly familiar…I wonder if one of us got sent home with the wrong parents, lol.

    Here’s what I do with extra apples:

    Hang in there.


    • pamasaurus says:

      Haha, maybe we were. Anxiety is so horrible; sorry you have to deal with it as well.

      That recipe sounds delicious. I was set to make some sort of apple cobbler or pie or something tonight, but I think I’m going to make that instead 😉

      Thank you 😀

  8. Pingback: Doctors and Running, Oh My! | Pa-BLAM!

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