I’ve been quiet lately. Quiet in all facets of my life, not just here.
Part of it was the illness, but I’ve been feeling almost normal for two days now.
I’ve also been working on de-cluttering and deep cleaning my house. That’s not a small task; my house has a lot of rooms. I’m almost done: only the bedrooms remain.
Mostly, though, I’ve just been antisocial. I do this sometimes for many different reasons.
I think it’s my anxiety causing this latest flair up. I have extreme anxiety, which I can usually keep under control. Lately, it’s been bad. It’s been debilitating. I really get nervous about everything. I know how to push it to the side and deal with life, but it’s been hard lately.
So, I’m going to the doctor next week. I finally made an appointment. Anyone that knows me knows that I hate doctors. I haven’t been to one in two years. I know that’s bad, but meh. Meh meh meh.
Last time I went to the doctor, it was an appointment for an issue I was having. My doctor refused to listen to anything I had to say; he wouldn’t even let me finish describing my symptoms. I left his office in tears, my issues still not resolved.
So, I’m finally going to revisit them with a new doctor. I’m also definitely thinking about getting anxiety medication for the first time ever. I’ve always just dealt with it, no matter how awful it’s been. The idea of even talking to a doctor about anything makes me want to cry. I’m so afraid this doctor is going to treat me the way the old doctor did. I’m afraid I still won’t have answers. I’m just afraid.
I think I’m going to write out everything I want to discuss and hand it to the doctor. That way I don’t have to talk about anything; I don’t have to worry about missing something. That seems easier to me, but then I worry that the doctor won’t want to take the time to read it. I don’t know. My brain is a mess.
So, yeah. That’s where I’ve been.
Daniel and I went on a 5 mile hike today and it was pretty awesome. I got bored towards the end, though. That’s probably because we walked the same path back. So, I had seen everything already.
Tomorrow I’m going apple picking with Megan. I know I want to try to make apple bread, but I don’t know what else I want to do with all the apples I pick. So, please feel free to make suggestions.
Yeah. I’m nervous about publishing this.